Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sex vs. Intimacy

When we started this blog I wanted it to be somewhere that married people (or single) could come to discuss their sex woes, tips and triumphs. I am not really sure that that is what it became. So today I am taking it back to what it was intended to be and I want to talk about intimacy.

It seems like people are constantly reading about ways to improve their sex life. To many men this means increasing the frequency and to many women this means increasing the quality. Silas and I have recently fallen into a slump of sorts. Mostly because my job has been extremely busy lately leaving me exhausted by the end of the day. Unfortunately, this has left us feeling distant and in a sexual dry spell. So, the other night we finally had a lets drag out the issues kind of conversation. These kinds of conversations are never fun. We have some communication issues that usually involve me overpowering the conversation and him just wishing it to be over as quickly as possible. Long story short the conversation ended as it usually does when we are in a dry spell…he is missing the sex and I am missing the intimacy. For me these things go together. If I don’t feel like we are close emotionally I have no desire to be close sexually. This is interesting because I am also not the most lovely dovey person in the world.

How do you keep the intimacy alive when you are so busy? For us this is usually the first place that time is robbed from when we are really busy. It becomes so much easier to breeze past Silas on my way to the sink rather than to stop for a quick kiss.

We got married at a very young age and after we had already had a child. So we never got to have that lovely “honeymoon period” of sexual adventure. Instead our married sex life has always quick stolen moments when Dora the Explorer is playing in the background or tired frolics in the dark.

Our mission after our little heart to heart is to try to readjust our priorities. Less computer, less video games, less reading for work and more time spent together; without cell phone in hand or mind elsewhere. However, truly being IN the moment is really hard when you are so used to being out of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment