Sex vs. Intimacy

When we started this blog I wanted it to be somewhere that married people (or single) could come to discuss their sex woes, tips and triumphs. I am not really sure that that is what it became. So today I am taking it back to what it was intended to be and I want to talk about intimacy.

It seems like people are constantly reading about ways to improve their sex life. To many men this means increasing the frequency and to many women this means increasing the quality. Silas and I have recently fallen into a slump of sorts. Mostly because my job has been extremely busy lately leaving me exhausted by the end of the day. Unfortunately, this has left us feeling distant and in a sexual dry spell. So, the other night we finally had a lets drag out the issues kind of conversation. These kinds of conversations are never fun. We have some communication issues that usually involve me overpowering the conversation and him just wishing it to be over as quickly as possible. Long story short the conversation ended as it usually does when we are in a dry spell…he is missing the sex and I am missing the intimacy. For me these things go together. If I don’t feel like we are close emotionally I have no desire to be close sexually. This is interesting because I am also not the most lovely dovey person in the world.

How do you keep the intimacy alive when you are so busy? For us this is usually the first place that time is robbed from when we are really busy. It becomes so much easier to breeze past Silas on my way to the sink rather than to stop for a quick kiss.

We got married at a very young age and after we had already had a child. So we never got to have that lovely “honeymoon period” of sexual adventure. Instead our married sex life has always quick stolen moments when Dora the Explorer is playing in the background or tired frolics in the dark.

Our mission after our little heart to heart is to try to readjust our priorities. Less computer, less video games, less reading for work and more time spent together; without cell phone in hand or mind elsewhere. However, truly being IN the moment is really hard when you are so used to being out of it.

To Porn or not to Porn?

     I woke up about a week ago without Vivian by my side.  This isn't particularly unusual as she typically is up before me as she goes to work earlier than I do.  I could hear her and the kids rustling around upstairs preparing for the day as I reached for my glasses and prepared to join them.  Then something stopped me, that feeling that no one knows that I am awake yet and I have a few minutes to myself.  Clearly I should take advantage of this time.  I layed back down on the bed and threw the covers back over me, settling into the warm bed as my hands traveled down my sides and slipped off my boxers.  Placing my hands on my cock and feeling it begin to grow to my attention.  I began to play with myself, squeezing lightly, running my hands over my thighs and balls, enjoying the way my own body felt in my hands.  As my cock got increasingly harder my mind wandered to times that Vivian and I have spent together, fantasies that I currently have, and the things I dreamed were going on in my bed at that moment.
     My mind doesn't play like a porn video when I masturbate but more like a highlight reel with images and scenarios jumping across my mind.  For example, Taking Vivian from behind as I did in the shower days before, fantasizing that Vivian is on her knees with my cock in her hands and mouth, pausing to look up at me with a devlish smile as she pulls her hair to the side and takes me back into her mouth, thinking about Vivian's bisexual desires and picturing her on all fours with her face buried in another womans pussy, while I fuck her from behind.........you get the idea :).  However, on this particular day I seemed to have a hard time bringing myself to orgasm, I really had to work for it.  As more dirty thoughts wandered through my mind  I tried to push back the fear that I wasn't going to cum. I grabbed the underside of my cock with my left hand and stroked my hard dick with my right hand increasingly faster.  My body tensed and I came hard, my body collapsing leisurely onto the pillow as I savored my morning alone.
    My difficulty achieving orgasm did make me realize that it was the first time in a while that I did not rely on porn to masturbate and that troubled me.  Had I lost touch with my own body as a result?  Therefore, I have taken a vow to myself that I am avoiding pornography for at least a month while I get back in touch with my own body.  It might also give me an excuse to blog more as my own creative juices should be flowing.  I'm actually quite excited about it, in fact I am home alone right now, I think I might have to head to the bedroom.

HNT - Camp Vivian

Don't forget to visit Osbosso's Blog blog for more HNT fun!

Luna bead review

The Luna beads are... interesting. I agree that they aren't great for stimulation. Though they do provide a low grade stimulation that more or less keeps you aware. There are two bead weights. Can't remember exactly how heavy they are. Irregardless,
I found the heavier of the two to provide a bit more awareness. Someone had mentioned that they may be good for kegels. For myself they don't serve much purpose in that regard. Perhaps it is either the texture or the size but they seem to stay in without any effort. The balls that have a smooth metallic texture are better for kegels in my opinion.
The grey ball is the heavier, pink is lighter.



In summary:
Pros: good texture, I like the string feature for removal, low rumbling stimulation (fun while folding laundry), provides enough stimulation to lubricate
Cons: stay in on own (not good for kegels), not very much stimulation
If anyone else had tried these or know of another brand that is great, feel free to comment.
Vivian

Monday Memoirs -Exhibition

Vivian and I have a streak of exhibitionism in us....you may have noticed this already.  One of our favorite couples getaways is to a clothing optional hot springs.  This is not to be confused with the vapor caves referenced in a previous Monday Memoir.  We cautiously signed up for a tour one day and decided that we would be interested in going with swim suits on.  Upon taking the tour, it was revealed that this clothing optional site is a mostly nude location.  We decided to stay for the day and we also decided to leave our swimsuits behind.  It was such a humbling experience.  This place has 3 outdoor pools and an indoor pool, in addition to 2 private soaking rooms that can be used if they are vacant.  It is an amazing place.
  We thoroughly enjoy sharing our tales of the "nudie" hot springs with our vanilla friends, as you can imagine the looks upon their faces as we share our stories are varied.  The clothing optional pools aren't exactly a hotspot for young twenty-something couples but I imagine we got a rise out of some of our fellow exhibitionists as Vivian slinked her sexy body into the water.  I know she got a rise out of me and I get the pleasure of seeing her naked almost daily!  There were a mix of young and old, short and tall, males and females, skinny and fat, all walks of life  Our first soak included an unavoidable show of a woman doing naked yoga poolside, that was a sight to see.  You would think you would walk around aroused the entire time but being nude with everyone else makes you realize that we are all the same under our clothes, no matter what color or shape.  As we explored some of the smaller pools we found that we had a 2 foot deep pool with a waterfall coming into it, all to ourselves.
   Vivian kept running her head under the waterfall, letting the water run down her head, flowing over her breasts and falling to the water, it was such a turn on.  I stayed low in the water hoping no one would come up the pathway and see how aroused she had me.  She then took a seat opposite me, legs spread, just teasing me as I caught glimpses of her naked pussy through the water.  She then began to play with herself, I love to watch her do this, she gets a devlish smile and occasionally her eyes roll back into her head.  She is amazing to watch, so focused on what makes her feel good, an expert with her own body.  I moved over beside her and she positioned herself on her knees, facing away from me in the shallow water, her hands braced against the poolside.  I was so nervous. What if someone walked up? What if there were cameras? Who could see us?  Those thoughts remained as I entered her from behind, and thrusted deep inside her.  I remember it happened so fast, as public sex often does.  Both of us cumming quickly, surrounded by the warm water, the sunshine above, and hoping no one was watching.
   Although secretly, I'm always hoping someone is watching.  Would you watch?

HNT - Boy Meets Girl

Don't forget to visit Osbosso's Blog blog for more HNT fun!

Voyeur

     One of my favorite things to do in my alone time is to sit and peruse other blogs across the internet.  I have always found interest in this and have learned that I am such a voyeur at heart.  I love to read about the things that make others feel happy, sad, angry, sexy, horny, wet, hard....etc.  I often wonder if it's because we married and had children in our teens and I don't get a lot of time to discover who I am individually, or if I would have always had this inclination.  I find that I love to read about sexual experiences I have not had the opportunity to divulge in.  I am fascinated by reading people's experiences with threesomes, swinging, light bondage, bisexuality, turn-ons, I believe it is the mystique of it all that captures me. 
     The trick is, after reading about so many experiences online it's easy to get the false notion that every couple swings, everybody likes to be spanked, everyone loves to talk about sex.  But this just isn't the case, one must keep in my that in reality everyone is different.  Being in a relationship is a true test of that, understanding that what one partner enjoys, the other may not, then finding that happy place somewhere in between.  That is one of the great things about being in a relationship is getting to know your significant other, the things they enjoy and the changes in their desires as they age and grow. 
     I think Vivian used to think, and maybe still does :), that I sat around and masturbated furiously while I looked at sex blogs and poured through the pages of web content.  The truth is, it's like reading a steamy novel, where my mind just disappears into an alternate reality.  I rarely find things that give me the need to masturbate at that exact moment, but the blogs do provide me with a lot of fantasy content for later.  Whether it be from reading a story of a couples night out without kids, or a HNT photograph on someone else's blog.  I appreciate nudity, exhibitionism, and the truth that people are willing to reveal as bloggers as a form of art.  So I guess I owe a thank you to all of you bloggers out there willing to let me peek into your lives, especially the ones that made it onto our blogroll.